Team GB is currently number 20 in the medal ranks. Which is a shame. I support Britan in the Olympics, though I supported Ukraine in the Euro2012 championship; somehow it seems right to award my affections to the cost-bearing hosts in each instance.

But for gloating purposes, I wish I were French.

France is number 3, and if only I were French, I’d be so smug I’d be bursting at the seams.

“Those rosbifs”, I’d say, “have paid dans le nose pour notre chance to get medals. Merci pour not giving the Olympics to Paris”.

Why is it, though? Why are we not doing better?

I’m completely ignorant of the real causes, of course, but think it’s to do with the very idea of a “Team” GB. British are not that good at being a team. We are a bunch of individualists united mainly by our distrust in unity. Maybe we should have called out team “just some guys and girls who might stretch a leg to this Olympic malarkee, not that we take it any seriously, of course”. Then, we could have treated our 20th place with the same shrug as we do coming last at the Eurovision.

I do hope we move up the ranks though, and ideally beat the French. Or at least Kazakhstan.

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